DO YOU EVER JUST HAVE THE BIGGEST FUCKING CRUSH ON SOMEONE EVER AND YOU JUST KNOW IT WONT WORK BECAUSE THEY’RE TOO OLD OR YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR THEY ARE TOO ATTRACTIVE FOR YOU SO YOU PRETTY MUCH SPEND WHAT FEELS LIKE ETERNITY HAVING THIS UNEXPLAINABLE FEELING FOR THEM UNTIL IT RIDS YOU OF THE SMALL BIT OF HEART YOU HAVE LEFT UNTIL YOU FIND ANOTHER PERSON TO HAVE THE SAME SHITTY FEELING TOWARDS
See it’s worse when your crush is a youtuber, fictional, or dead
Just be fucking honest about how you feel about people while you’re alive.
Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.
CAN I GET A HELL YEAH IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE AND YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH SLEEP
The best part about this weekend is that I got fucking high every day and none of it was my own weed. Last night we had two bowls and a bong going around in a circle at once. It was beautiful.